in my life

Good evening World. Tonight seems like an emo night. Thankfully i'm hardly an emo person ( i'm romantic instead =D ) so i guess it really doesn't matter much to me.

Played soccer this afternoon. Lost the match. Arsenal drew at middlesborough. Perhaps all this factors have contributed to the emo air around here.

More often than not, i HATE losing in everything i do. Male ego? I remember how i would cheat or do anything underhand just to win. I was usually willing to risk anything etc pride, integrity. Well to me winning was ALMOST everything.

One verse that i really love in the bible is found in 1 Corinthians 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." But i truely thank God that i've changed so much over the pass few years. I'm no longer the sore loser that i used to be.

I remember i used to play softball for my secondary school. Softball is pretty much like baseball and i got to play 2nd base in school. Well my position requires generally more technique and quick thinking so i guess my coach felt that i totally rocked!! anyway i recall how i used to pretend to be injured when we were losing. I just couldn't stand losing. But it was perfectly understandable for me! How could a young supple boy like me bear the shame and heartbreak of defeat?!!

More recently when i played soccer for my school, i remember intentionally trying to hack someone's legs down because he was simply running too fast. And i did it. Only to realise he wasn't fazed by my tackle, stumbled a few steps and continued running.

To summarize, i was a jerk. But thank god for showing me grace and allowing me to realise that a sport is just ultimately...just a sport. People are the things of eternity and they matter more than anything else. Thats why now i love to fellowship with the brothers during and after matches.

At my death bed i wont ask to see my bank book account or see the records of how many times i've won in life. More importantly, i will ask to see my family, my friends. Forgive the people i hate, embrace the people i loved.

I have tonnes of friends. Most are living yet some are dead. In my life, i loved them all. Goodnight.