wednesday

daddy's heart's pumpin' and momma's good lookin'!

thank you God for everything.

tuesday

i looked on helplessly as my dad struggled to wake up in the ICU. i fought back my tears, my mum broke down immediately. in my 21 years of life, i've never been so emotionally overwhelmed. the sight of it was just simply unbearable. the strong hands i've come to know since i was a young boy looked frail and weak as they grabbed and pulled randomly. i've never seen him like this before.

Life is a gift. i've done nothing to deserve it. i once heard, that it is impossible to love something until you realised it could be lost.

Everything in life is a gift. And life itself, is the greatest gift. it could be snuffed out in a second, it could be lost, and i cannot take a moment of it for granted.

John 10:10 (New International Version)
10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

wednesday

we can never live the same again.

while jesus was avidly healing the sick, touching the untouchables, noticing the neglected and driving a spritual revival, his disciples were often times found wanting. they lacked faith and courage, were quick to judge, engaged in pointless theological discussions and argued to see who was the best. very often, they were confused!

in light of all their flaws though, jesus eventually told them something they hardly EVER dared to believe, that someday, they could be just like jesus too! one day, god's little rebels would lay down their arms and live unimaginably powerful lives.

this promise is for us too. if we put our faith in god, one day, we're gonna be just like jesus.

we can never live the same again.

John 14:12 (New International Version)
12I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

saturday

a few years back, my cousin said something that changed my life forever. it was our annual(AND ONLY) meet up that year and somehow or another, he remarked that science could actually prove God's existence. life could just never be the same again for me. i remember being filled with so much fear at that moment, because i knew i was in trouble. I was living as though God wasn't even worth 2 cents. i came back to god. Amazing Grace at work.

a famous story, prodigal son wakes up to find all his friends had deserted him and that his credit card just got rejected for the nth time. he hangs around the pig sty, starts to starve and began fearing for his life. he decides to go home and UNBELIEVAVBLY, his father runs to him and celebrates his return. i imagine him being so relieved and grateful. Amazing Grace at work.

all this, encapsulated by the wonderful song we sing, " twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved."

i'm glad i get to fear sometimes, because that always leads me back to God again. recently while driving to church, my dad laughed to himself, " now only that i'm in trouble, then i start attending church again!! i'm so terrible!" as i listened, in my heart i knew, Amazing grace at work.

Sunday

on a particular day in camp last week, i woke up to a friend telling me that he wasn't feeling well. too bad for him. i felt absolutely great that day. i should say something that sounds rather sympathetic and go back to sleep.

but i didn't. surprisingly, my heart was pretty tender to God that day. and i'm ashamed to say that doesn't happen really often. but it did, and i was glad.

i'm a sucker for falling sick. somehow someway, i would be down with a flu bug, or out injured with a stubbed toe every now and then. when you are sick, you're miserable at best. death seems a far better option.

so as i laid there, i was hopelessly overwhelmed with gratefulness and awe of god's mercy. i was thankful simply because i'm allowed to live healthy and vibrantly. for a moment there, god's grace and love just seemed so real to me.

G.K Chesterton once said, "Here ends another day during which i have had eyes, ears, hands, and the great world around me, and tomorrow begins another. Why am i allowed two?"

here ends another day when i have a shepherd who guides me and believes in me, close friends whom i can share my heart with, a family to love, an exciting purpose in the kingdom, helicopters i can jump out of, good food and money to spend. Why am i allowed two?

Wednesday

i've always wanted to be like my Dad. Wrong. in fact, i've always wanted to be JUST LIKE my Dad. and true enough, i often found myself doing the things HE did just so i could become more like him. As a kid i would walk like how he walks( i have pictures as evidence. really cute ones too!!), speak like how he does, write like him, tell stories like he does. That of course accounts to why i often love to colour/exaggerate things i talk about!!

whenever he decided to build new DIY cupboards, mini thaddeus would be right on the job. whenever it came to fixing the lights or waxing the car, i would be right there with him too. more recently, i've been learning to play golf from him!!

i've always wanted to be like my Dad. for reasons i cannot understand, it just delights me to please him and make him proud. it was not like a 5 year old thaddeus would go " I'm gonna make my dad proud of me because not only will it put me ahead of my friends in terms of allowance when i hit primary school, it might also guarantee me a bigger stake in his will when i grow older. In fact, i could even inherit his house!" It was as though pleasing him was something in-built in me.

so all this years i yearned for his nod of approval. like many parents he would sometimes subtley give it, but all these years he never said anything close to " i'm proud of you".

then came australia in november. and on one chilly midnight out in the desert, i recieved a letter from my dad all the way from singapore. it wrote:

Dear Thaddeus,

NS groomed you into a fine young man. Your sisters, your mum and I share your joys and sorrows and silently give you the moral support to see out the completion of your obligations. I am very proud of you.

i cant describe to you how it felt that night. but it was overwhelming. my life counted. i made him proud!

In many ways this reflects how my relationship with the Father should be. I should learn to serve him simply because i want to please him. The blessings and "benefits" are but the consequences. adopting such a simple attitude inevitably brings about truest joy because our fulfillment doesn't come from success more than it comes from pleasing god.

and imagine that day, when we stand before God and get his nod of approval. its rather hard to imagine right now, but just imagine Sir Alex Ferguson picking you for his first 11 against Chelsea, game of the season! Just imagine the Creator of the entire universe, galaxies and cosmos finally telling you that your life mattered to him. you made him proud! Mind-blowing would be an understatement.

Matthew 25:21
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'