Waves of Sorrow

Right so i didnt have the best ever day. I was getting stick the whole day. Vera is sick, people are falling away. Its just so hard to talk to anyone now. Have you forsaken me?

So i skipped my break so that i could do some planning on the games for Care group today for i was to lead one game! It was exciting!! hahaha i was so ready to make everyone happy!! I kinda had to do it in school cause i accidentally fell asleep last night argh!! hahaha. But yeah i skipped my break and i didnt eat anything until 4.30pm haha. Not even a sip of water.

So i rushed all the way to Serangoon after meeting Raphael for some admin stuff. and on the train, i started cutting out all my topic cards! hahaha. well i reached there and john asked us how we felt about today in 3 words. i said " Disappointed, Excited, tired" Yes i am very tired, physically and mentally drained. i dunno whats happening now! i'm confused. well i didnt talk much today. i didnt know what to say. seriously for once.

My legs were aching my toe was hurting. i was just not in the mood. and i would say care group did perk me up abit. but the worse was still to come. anyway alvin blessed me with 2 plain bread. ahhh. So i asked John about our new believer, whether to visit him or not ( he injured his head ) So after CG and Prayer meet we went down to woodlands. and my legs were hurting but thats not the point, i came with great expectations and i was so excited!

So we went there and met him below his block, me and jon. so he came down and we greeted each other. then we passed him some fruits and liang cha....means cooling tea la. He was like " Hey u guys like that make me feel very bad. But i wanna say clearly, i really cant join ur christian buddies" i mean...i was devastated!! He truely enjoyed our company i could tell but due to certain family reasons, he rejected god. I'm so sad now that this has happened. He was a very responsive dude and i really believed we would retain him!! I looked over to jon, i could see his eyes tearing. Yet he was trying his utmost to look happy and he kept saying " Hey its okay la" but serioulsy, it wasnt okay. just that at that time, we really didnt know what to say!!

God come save me now. all my troubles come and take them away!!!

So karen called me after school. i talked to her on my handy and she asked " Would u like to join the Turtle Parachute comepetition?" well i didnt really wanna join BUT only because she was so bold to ask me, i agreed. i just wanted to make her work a joy, not a burden anyway. Yay Nicholas see i applied the shepherding teaching hahahah!!

Oh yeah and Joe called to tell me that i was accepted into ushering!! ahHH!!! YES YES YES! hahaha. i'm so happy! hahaha. but not now la...haha now still very sorrowful argh!

The New Light

Yeah so my problem has been solved and now things are starting to look better! Well i went for the guitar practice again and it didnt turn out to be so bad. Ah yes and i went to Saints For Christ on wednesday and yeah it was great! but i'm not sure about the commitment part hahaha. but it was a great feeling to fellowship with all the brothers and sisters!


Yeah and i got some really nice friends hahhaah!! The most important people are of course my core team which consists of Duwane!!! Cheryl TAN! haha Phillicia and ...* drum roll* VERA!!! hahahaa. So okay i had to find that little target who i can irritate everyday. and yes! and i found it in Vera!! hahaha. so sad for her la...actually maybe i should try to be nice for one day at least hor... hahahaha. Vera is...hahaha shes nice la plus she said i'm quite good looking LOL hahahaha. YES YES YES hhahahaha!!! But of course theres more than that. Vera's a nice person to talk to and i can just disturb her like crazy and stuff!!! hahahaha. yeah and cheryl TAN the nice holy one hahaha. lol actually i should learn to be more like her. THen theres phillicia...the ever dangerous hurdler who kicks people * especially duwane. sorry dude i feel for you* haha right shes nice really sporty hahahaha. hmmm actually i like sporty people hahahaha. argh! stupid club i joined hahaha. Oh and lastly.....DUWANE!! The ever so cool dude who pretends he is a prefect lol. actually he looks different from the other people around...dunno why hahahaha maybe the aura...wooo....Bowling champion who tries so hard to rope people into bowling...My condolences to all who have fallen victim. May peace be with you.

Ah YES THE CG BBQ coming up and i cant wait!! hahaha so fun!! WEE

- May peace be with all of you Ladies and Gentlemen....and Twinnie...-

Can You Hear Me Lord?

I thought it'll be easy
But i was wrong.
God are u busy?
I wanna sing you a song.

All this things that are happening,
I dont understand why.
Though it may be saddening,
I know i aint gonna die.

Sometimes its so frustrating,
And I really wanna give up.
Whats the point of doing,
When I now drink from your cup?

I assured my own salvation,
Why should I do more?
But i'll fulfill ur misson,
And be first at ur door.

I shall trust in you lord,
Carry me with ur hand.
Hear my cry God,
Help me if you can.

Listen to my heart,
Give me new zeal.
Eyes that dont dart,
Your face I feel.

For all the new passion,
I thank you Lord,
Forever you will be,
My only God.

Argh!

right now i feel uber sad and frustrated. argh why is god like putting me through all these trials and tribulations?! it is seriously quite hard to handle, especially for me who is still not that spiritually matured yet. i mean how am i to handle people who wanna jump ship to another church which she has not even gone to yet?!

HopeChurch is an awesome church that does the will of God!!! A church that doesn not expand is a church that does not grow!! God wants His church to grow!!!! ahhh!!! I have truely seen the amount of time invested just on one soul and i would really say that Hopechurch doesnt just want people, they want people who have a heart for God!!

Argh sorry i'm just filled with sorrow to the point of death now.

My dad just left for Genting Highlands today. His company people wanna go casino or something...but i trust ma daddy wont gamble, afterall he is quite decent.
Sometimes my dad says stuff that is from the bible but he interprets it wrongly. and, it somehow influences my elder sis lor!! i mean although i try to correct him, sometimes he stubbornly wont listen and i as a son really, do not have the authority to do anything else.

Now i really really need someone who i can really talk to heart to heart man!! maybe God but i wanna hear his voice!!! I think i'm spiritually quite down now.

Argh yesterday during prayer meet, Eelee said something that really really spoke to me. She prayed that we will have a new zeal and passion for god again. and THAT is what i really really need now. when i heard what she prayed for us, i was like " Surely its god now!! cannot deny!!" i really turned by face against the wall ( i was sitting right at the corner ) and i really hard prayed lor!! argh god!!

Sighhhh...cover me within ur mighty hands.

Love

So the teacher asked during Civics class, " What is Love? What do u usually think of when u come across the word LOVE?"

the teacher made us do some group work and we had to discuss what we feel la. hahah.
so i said to the group. " Love makes me think of someone, someone special. And that very special someone i think of is collin. Frankly speaking, i never experienced this type of human to human love before. Collin is the only dude in this world that would ever love me in such a special way. The only person i can relate to on earth is him."

WOOOOO lol. hahah collin u reading this?!! I MENTIONED U IN CLASS!! hahahahaa. see made u popular liao lol but of course i did assure i'm not gay. heh!!

Argh anyway today i had to let go of my 2 favourite sheeps. and i only have 2 sheeps!! my sisters!!! now they got new shepherds and i guess i wont be needed at the new believeers party tomorrow argh! so sad but still i'm rejoicing at what is happening at the moment!! hahahaha. this is too awesome i want them to go out there tomorrow and have fun at the party!!! hahahah.

Oh and i went to my first guitar thing and i guess it isnt as cool as i thought lol. argh i should have joined a sport instead and sweat it out!! how can i change cca now? hahaha

I do Cherish You

Dedicated to My Bestest Bud and fellow brother in christ, Collin.

Well i just wanted to write this because i'm thinking of you now. Dude just wanna say i really really love u and i hope u stay strong in the Lord. Although we dont spend as much time as each other, please do remember that Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the lord of them!! ANd I, your friend will not say never!! Because dude... i love you.

I still remember how we first met and how you made a breakthrough in the Lord. I remember speaking to you about the Lord and it i'm glad it made u really want to stand up for god again. ANd i tell you the truth, it was not me, it was God himself speaking to you. It was so amazing how we met that i really wanna thank god!! Because surely it was Him!!

Dude love ya!! If you need someone to talk to, I'm standing up now and ready to be counted on. I hope that despite your busy schedule, u will still spend time with god!!

I'm sure i'm not gay =D but i'm sure my love for you is totally different from any other. Your more of a friend, your my family. And i'm sure you know how much i am actually willing to give up for you. Well if you don't, i tell u its alot! and these words are not made up. these words are from my heart.

This Friendship will last and i hold u to your word in the poem you penned for me.

You are definately the best i ever had.

Sajc WoooHOOo!!

Yeah its Saturday now and it has been a really really tiring week!! The first week of school consisted of lots of running around and stuff. SO drained now. Well what i though would be bad turned out good!! I made some really good friends during this one week. especially jeremy!!

What would you get if u add Girls from girl schools to guys in guy schools? hell breaks loose!! haha. well i didn't really get to bond with most of my other non-christian friends. Awww!! well it has been a really tough time because people nowadays are just so desperate for a girl friend or boyfriend. i mean, who really sits down and talk about a real relationship anymore? This is certainly a very sad generation. The Lost talk about stuff that are....sick... and half the time its about girls. And yes i do feel quite left out at times because i do not like to indulge in such conversations. However i realised i was not the only lonely one. hahaha.

Now at least i got someone to talk to and we can both continue to grow in the lord!! Oh lord i pray lord help me help me!!

Hahaha anyway today has not been the best day of my life. I'm feeling terrible now. Coupled by this, i'm also sick!! Fever, sore throat and flu. I just wanted so much to cry this morning and i smsed this stupid person who okay perhaps made me feel just abit better. at least the sms woke me up and now i feel guilty for being angry. well i didnt show my anger but deep down inside i know i did generate some hatred. i'm glad its over now but i'm still sick!! Despite it all yay i managed to bring my sisters to church!! and they bonded well with their new friends yay!!

Well it has been a very rocky road. My sister was like " can i not go to church today?" i was like so devastated and i was like. " Hey dont do this now i'm feeling terrible please just come to church. I'm going to cry already. If u skip once u will always skip and think its alright!" and i guess she got me there and she rushed down for service! Thank god for her!! i love both my sisters!! and i feel so proud to be their part time shepherd during this period of time!! I mean its a great start la. God answered my prayer ( and my cg's prayer, i got them to pray for me) and my sisters have finally come to know god!!

One day i hope to lead worship at home yay!! hahah imagine us just singing a hymm of love to god. Awesome...Hallelujah Thank you jesus!! You are worthy of all the glory!!

Feels like the First time

Yeah indeed its the first time!!
I went to SAJC for the first time today and i tell you its awesome. Well i went to school with the intention to appeal. Well i didnt in the end haha. Firstly, they did not give me a chance to do so. haha. and Secondly, I need my prelims result slip which i LOST!!! haha okay Thirdly, i found out today that AJC had in fact REJECTED ME!! AhhhH!!! so heartbreaking. Anyway SAJC is cool and all. I was so immersed in my own deep thoughts all the time.

I learnt some SAINTS CHEERS!! who wants ta hear?!! hahaha then we played some games with the OG but i dunno what are all their names la, cannot remember. Anyway it was kinda cool and all except that people were giving me stares ( obviously cause i was wearing BGSS uniform ). Its okay, i';ll take it that i look HOT today. But lucky those peeps were acepting la. they didnt shun me or anything. then we played some games and i lost. then i was supposed to go up to do pole dancing lor!! i mean...pole dancing? Im the Techno Queen!! Pole dancing is out of my category can?! hahahaha

Alright so at the end of the day i didnt really meet any friends who i can hang out with. okay i only got to know this girl from my OG cause we take the same bus back!! yay so happy to be home partly thanks to her for showing the way. I mean, I CAN GO HOME AND I DID NOT NEED HELP.....okay i lied. hahaha. argh i dont really communicate much with the rest of the OG other than with that girl at the bus stop hahahaha and the OGL. hahaha.

I'm so hungry now didnt eat anything the whole day and was like screaming the cheers out still!! hahaha. okay i'm out. Peace people. I penned a poem today too!! for a hated person HEH okay joking i like everyone. its NOT for u collin, in case u are reading this hahaha.

Conversion

My sister converted yesterday!! Now all ma siblings are christians!! Ah very happy for them!!


I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it.
I dont believe it makes me real.
I thought it would be easy,
But no one believes me.
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe its i my soul.....