Lead me on to my Destiny

I was down but you were there. How important you are to me. May i never stumble you. Oh how i pray, may i never stumble you!!!

So yesterday was the funfair and oh boy it was quite fun i would say! hahahaha. and Yeah i had to rush down for service and i was LATE! nooo!! how can I live with myself?!! I'm a core team member!! LATE IS UNACCEPTABLE!! NOO!!! can feel the urgency especially when Jon Tay called me...HAhahahahaa. "thaady where are you?" HEheheheheeeee....

So anyway after service we went to istana park for our Unit Event!! haha Jon Tay led!! and then we had dinner together. that was when Gidian officially annouced to the cg what had happened...argh until now i still feel the sadness lingering in my heart. Dude how much i respected you and looked up to you. i know i still will for u hold an indispensible place in my heart. Yet you were wrong in your choice. Know that we will always welcome you with open arms, let not shame prevent you from coming back.

Then we went for UDMM and Jon tay Led worship again! hahahaha. Jon tay is awesome la i respect him so much.
" My most Loving Shepherd is Nicholas" and " My most blibical shepherd is Jon Tay"

hahahaha clement got " My most adorable shepherd is Jon tay" hahaha so funny can?!! lol... clement was teasing him all day!!

Yeah then at night we went for supper together, the shepherds...but somehow they added me to their numbers so it became a core team retreat with Gidian. hahahaa. Anyway Gidian invited me to his house for a sleep over!! But i was kinda scared cause Gidian ehhhhhh...surely got motive one hahaha. SO we went there and his parents were really nice!! and of course the feeling wasnt so tensed la we talked alot...chatted...gidian was feeling sick, jon tay was like a sec 1 dude irritating his shepherd...hahaha so funny lor!!! it was me, nick, jon and gidian...all hell broke loose!! hahahaa. Within one night, gidian destroyed his entire image in front of me...hahaa but its okay because we are all still humans and gidian is someone whom i really respect hahahaa. Oh yeah jon also...lol both acting like big babies! hahaha.

Yeah so some stuff were revealed to me. hahaha. Well It seems that ma sheppy nicholas is gonna leave me and i'll be under the care of someone else... But its still on hold cause i have not gotten ma results yet. BUT I DO KNOW ONE BIG CLUE....jon tay said" if u go to ajc, i'll be dropping by ur house more often than not." HAhahahaha. Oh yeah and most of the time i was about to have a TFO...a thaddy freak out... haha. so stupid all the things they do can??! hahah

So actually even without them trying to convince me to stay in NE, i already have decided what to do actually, it would just be hard to execute. Now i'm really only 50-50 in SAJC. i feel so....

Though I tried,
You seem distant.
Many times i cried,
You were still reluctant.

You know i love you,
Its all i can do.
But You choose not to,
What more can i do.

Yah so it really doesnt matter anymore whether i stay really. Of course i got some really good dudes whom i can relate too * winks at Joey* hahahaha. AND HE SURE KNOWS IN WHICH AREA. lol hahaha so paiseh....

God come lead me and guide me now. Show me your best way and ur best plan for me. Your will be done, not mine. Which ever school i go, will You take ownership of it through me. How much i fear you father. May this fear make me submit to you. For this fear i cannot overpower. It is all around me and stays within me.

YOU OF FAITHLESSNESS!!! do you feel this fear too?
LET NOT HIS WRATH COME UNTO YOU!!!

Each of You

Oh You so sweet,
You never let me down.
Everyday you greet me,
Without a frown.

Oh you are so weak,
How i wish to drag you along.
But its up to what u seek,
So please dont forlorn.

You may not be happy,
You may not be sad.
But remember i'm here,
Your dear Thad.

I may not be the best,
How hard i try to be.
But i beg you,
Dont disappoint me.


You of another,
How i long to love.
You dont seem to bother,
I came to serve.

Sure i can please,
To your delight.
But not as i please,
But for the light.

Hilarious stuff,
My old self know.
To make you laugh,
But will you grow?

But forever in my eyes,
You are wonderful.
ANd forever in my eyes,
You are beautiful.

And everyday i long to see,
That we can start anew.
And i pray that day will come,
When i will understand you.


Someone like him,
Father come help.
Someone like him,
Problems we have dealt.

For u who understands,
I am glad.
For you who understands,
I am never mad.

For you are the best,
Oh yes its true.
On whom i rest,
Yes u have grew.

Whether you go,
Or whether you stay,
I give you my heart
Set on a tray.

You are one i love.

Decision

Yay so i'm back from Malaysia!! hahahaha. I sit on the car until butt pain ar!! like the butt bone piercing through the butt flesh...hahaha but anyway its been great! i bought lots of clothes, got a new shoe!! but sadly my 136 dollars New Balance shoe was chewed up by man's best friend, a pastic dog called Lucky!! Not very lucky if u asked me...

I got to see my great grand mother and man is she old...and i love her so much!!! sadly shes like being ill treated at my grandma's house. I dont really like those people there anyway...only great grandma is best. she used to stay with me and stuff...physically she has deteriorated alot...so thin now...heart breaking.

OH yeah and my uncle is a reporter!! he brought a crew over to our house to flim us for chinese new year!! i guess it appeared on tv and newspaper. hahah seee!! overnight popularity. Now i'm just sitting at my desk waiting for the phone call from the modelling agency...any time now...any minute now...i know its coming.....hahahahaha.....

But sadly not everything is well. I have to make a really tough decision. and i hate the fact that i'm like being forced. i hate this stress!! How i wish i can just leave this town and run forever...
I'm really thankful theres always something there to hear me out and understand me...thanks Thunder Thighs....

ANd today i thrashed thunder thighs and sidekick in badminton...oh yeah did i thrash them good.... HAHAHAHA OKAY SO I DID Not...hahaha....oh man...lol...i got thrashed instead...they made me run like a dog chasing lost causes and when i eventually got there, i would miss the shuttle totally hahahahahaha...dang perhaps badminton isnt really my thing....OH boy DO i remember the days when i was still indispensible in the teamm...argh!


Why do you do this? I'm very confused. Why do you do this? What should i do? Is this just your plan? Its so shrewed. Forcing me to do, if only i could. But why in such a way? You leave me with no option. Each choice is heartbreaking. DO you understand? How it pains me whenever i think about it. Did you forget where the heart is? Its enough for me to bear, why give me more? Please let me finish this load, then come to my door. Like a bird, i was shot down as i flew past. Let me fly again! Let me be free. FLy away forever. You forgot where the heart is.

My Last Bow.

The New has come, the Old has to go. Like a robot of yesteryear, obsolete. Yeah we had fun. But none remembers. Remember the love? None remembers. Its so hard, and it hurts alot. But sooner or later, it will come to pass. So you, what do you think? For i did so much, yet reaped so little. And though i tried my best, you seemed unaffected. Impactless me.

So now the New is here, have fun and laugh. For old is still gold and i know where to go. But utterly disappointed i am. Broken and shattered my heart is. Past it will be once i finishthe rocky road. Now, i shall take my One Last Bow. * withdraws *

The storm

Lonely and tired,
I am on my own.
Sad and retired,
But I wont moan.

Sick and dejected,
And out of sorts.
Suprisingly rejected,
Twisted in knots.

Though in the corner,
I saw delight.
Yet for a loner,
It was not bright.

Feeling neglected,
Mentally drained.
Feeling neglected,
My heart You've sprained.

Gave up on me,
I know you did.
But myself i'll be,
Its mine to keep.

So few who understand,
So few who hear.
But many will be,
To me so dear.


How many really knows my heart? Or understand how iI feel? I do know of Two. Collin you know who.

Come, people whom i long to love.